A BUNCH of questions about adoption!

[myall4him2]

Ok! So dh and I are heavily weighing the possibilities of adoption. So I have a bunch of questions for y'all- especially you ladies here in GA- I also want to hear from you even if you're not in GA!!

What is the process to get on the waiting list? what is the first step?
How do we know if we're eligible? Are there certain requirements?
How long is the waiting list? What's the shortest you've waited? What's the longest you've waited?
How much have you paid for a local (U.S.) adoption?

I would preferably like to find a birth mom, I know I don't walk up to every pregnant woman and ask them if they want me to adopt their baby http://img.diaperswappers.com/images/smilie/giggle2.gif how do you go about finding a birth mom?

Thanks in advance for all your answers!

[okiemunchkinsmom]

My answers probably aren't going to help you, since we adopted from foster care, but I'll put them here in case they help someone else.

What is the process to get on the waiting list? what is the first step? First, we contacted DHS in our county. They hooked us up with the right people to walk us through the process. We had to do 27 hours of classes, physicals, home studies, and tons of paperwork. It only took 3-4 months if I remember correctly.
How do we know if we're eligible? Are there certain requirements? I'm not clear about what kind of adoption you are looking into. If you are going with an agency or lawyer they will let you know if you are eligible and what the requirements are for your state/situation. Each state and country and agency have their own rules and requirements.
How long is the waiting list? What's the shortest you've waited? What's the longest you've waited? I think across the board the answer to this is "it just depends on a lot of different factors". We waited about a year and a half or so to be matched with our second son. However, we did get 2 calls for children we didn't feel as if we could care for before we were matched with him. Our third son was a foster placement with us already, so the process was very different.
How much have you paid for a local (U.S.) adoption? Exactly $0.

[Murmer]

Ok! So dh and I are heavily weighing the possibilities of adoption. So I have a bunch of questions for y'all- especially you ladies here in GA- I also want to hear from you even if you're not in GA!!

What is the process to get on the waiting list? what is the first step?
How do we know if we're eligible? Are there certain requirements?
How long is the waiting list? What's the shortest you've waited? What's the longest you've waited?
How much have you paid for a local (U.S.) adoption?

I would preferably like to find a birth mom, I know I don't walk up to every pregnant woman and ask them if they want me to adopt their baby http://img.diaperswappers.com/images/smilie/giggle2.gif how do you go about finding a birth mom?

Thanks in advance for all your answers!

For a domestic US infant adoption first you need a completed homestudy. This can be done through a full adoption agency that you will then go on their list or it can be done with just a homestudy agency. Eligiblity is based on the agency that you use and the state you live in. Research the laws regarding if you can use a lawyer, facilitator, or agency to adopt in your state. If you are Christian and have been married for 2 or more years you have many many options. If you choose not to use agency you will need a lawyer to deal with the legal aspects. As for waiting it depends on how open you are. If you are looking for a healthy white baby girl with no drugs, alcohol, or smoking in a semi-open or closed adoption then it will take longer than if you are open to any race with drug exposure and an open adoption. Also it sadly depends on how much money you can spend on an adoption...if you have 50000 you could find a facilitator with a short list or go with several agencies. If you only have about 15,000 then you may find your self waiting longer.

I know for us we waited 4 months from homestudy approval to our dd and 6 months from homestudy approval to ds. Both of our children are AA which makes a difference. I know many families who have waited 2 years and even 1 family that waited 4 years but that was with an agency that charged well below the average cost for an adoption. The average cost of an adoption is 30000 but again that depends on agency, birthmother costs, and legal fees. DD was 35000 with travel, agency, birthmother, and legal fees. DS is now 9,000 with travel, agency, birthmother, and legal fees...he will probably cap out about 12000.

As for finding your own expectant mother you can create an online profile/blog. You can make buisness cards that spell out your intent to adopt and with your profile and contact info. Tell everyone that you know of your desire to adopt, word of mouth can be amazing. Create a facebook group, twitter. Many of these option have resulted in contacts with expectant mothers. You can also work with more than 1 agency and there are a few that do not charge fees to join just if you match with them. Good luck!

[Elizabeth_91]

What is the process to get on the waiting list? what is the first step?
Most adoption agencies no longer have a list to work your way up. After you have an "active" profile, your portfolio (which is basically a family scrapbook) is shown to prospective birthmothers who a) meet your family requirements and who b) you meet their requirements about what she wants for her child. She then picks her family. Most adoptions are generally at least semi-open, as well, rather than closed.

To get started, contact an adoption agency and set up a preliminary meeting. You'll meet with a caseworker who will go over their process and what you need to do (and don't be afraid of the "Mound of Paperwork"!).

How do we know if we're eligible? Are there certain requirements?
Unless you or DH have felony convictions, you should be eligible *in general*. However, each agency is going to have its own requirements (some won't work with families who are not of a certain religion or who don't live in the state where the agency is located, for example. Most have some sort of upper age restriction, as well).

How long is the waiting list? What's the shortest you've waited? What's the longest you've waited?
Again, no waiting list any longer. Once you go "active", you could get a call that day or it could be in 18 months. It all depends on how open you are to certain situations and if a birthmom picks you. We went active last October with an adoption attorney and with our agency. We matched in November with the attorney, but the match failed. We matched again this past August and brought home DS. Also, as Murmur mentioned, if you are more open about race, your match time may be MUCH faster. Once we completed all of the transracial training and had our profile activated for AA birthmoms to view (in our case, it was about a 4 month process), we matched in less than 10 days.

How much have you paid for a local (U.S.) adoption?
This is ALL over the board. All told, we paid approximately $17,000. That includes the agency fees, attorney fees, birthmom and ds medical expenses, homestudy fees, etc. YMMV depending on your agency. Some agencies (the smaller ones) charge less. The big national agencies are going to charge more. I know a family who went through a big agency and paid $46,500.:speechless:

These probably seem like huge amounts, and they are, but you can get a tax credit of almost $13000 through the IRS, and there are lots and lots of grants and loans out there for adoptive families.

One thing that you will probably find is that many agencies charge differently based on the race of the child. There is a huge need for adoptive families for African American children, and many agencies have a special program for these babies-- the fees can be close to half of those associated with a Caucasian infant. Our agency did not have a tiered structure, but many do. If you choose to adopt an AA infant, your wait and cost will most likely be quite short.

I would preferably like to find a birth mom, I know I don't walk up to every pregnant woman and ask them if they want me to adopt their baby how do you go about finding a birth mom?
Well, you can go through an agency. Or you can work with a licensed adoption attorney. I would be quite wary of "adoption facilitators" unless you KNOW FOR SURE that the facilitator is reputable. You can also advertise on adoption websites, but I would be careful here, too, because there are unscrupulous people who will try to take advantage of you and your pocketbook.

It's a long process, but VERRY worth it. I would be happy to talk to you more via PM if you have any specific questions about domestic adoption.:)

[kat1205]

What is an AA infant?

[Elizabeth_91]

What is an AA infant?

AA=African American

[Queen Bee]

Great info to know, I was curious about this too.

[lyra1977]

11

What is the process to get on the waiting list? what is the first step?
Find a reputable agency in your area. I recommend small, local agencies and not the big, national agencies. Make sure they provide birthparent services like pre- and post- adoption counseling and educate yourself about some of the ethical issues of adoption so that you can be savvy in evaluating the agency.

How do we know if we're eligible? Are there certain requirements?
Our agency required that we be infertile and had stopped fertility treatments, but that varies from agency to agency. Overall, the social worker who does your home study wants to see that your house can accomodate a baby and that you and your family will be able to love and care for a baby. But some rules vary by state, for instance I know that in Virginia you have to have one bedroom per child in order to adopt. Strange, but all states differ in some of those little rules.

How long is the waiting list? What's the shortest you've waited? What's the longest you've waited?
Our SW told us to expect to wait 1-2 years, and we were matched for the first time after 9 months, but that adoption disrupted. We brought home our daughter about 18 months after starting the process.
How much have you paid for a local (U.S.) adoption? We paid about 12K but our adoption was on the low end since our agency didn't charge a high fee (she only charges a $500 fee, while some agencies charge thousands) and our birthmom had Medicaid to pay for her medical care. With a high fee and no insurance or Medicaid for the birthmom, costs can easily run to 30 or 40K, especially if the birthmom has a C/S.

I would preferably like to find a birth mom, I know I don't walk up to every pregnant woman and ask them if they want me to adopt their baby http://img.diaperswappers.com/images/smilie/giggle2.gif how do you go about finding a birth mom? Be careful about networking online because there are scammers out there. Personally, we let our agency find our birthmom.

Thanks in advance for all your answers!